All of the reviews say the new Hellboy movie is bad, but is it really as bad as they say?
A well-meaning half-Demon(or Cambion) whose true name is Anung Un Rama(“and upon his brow is set a crown of flame”), Hellboy was summoned from Hellto Earthas a baby on October 5th (given as his birth date by Mike Mignola) by Nazi occultists(spawning his hatred for the Third Reich). He was discovered by the Allied Forces; amongst them, Professor Trevor Bruttenholm, who formed the United States Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense(B.P.R.D.). In time, Hellboy grew to be a large, red-skinned adult with a tail, horns (which he files off, leaving behind circular stumps on his forehead), cloven hooves for feet, and an oversized right hand made of stone (the “Right Hand of Doom”). He has been described as smelling of dry-roasted peanuts. Although a bit gruff, he shows none of the malevolence thought to be intrinsic to classical demons and has an ironic sense of humor. This is said to be because of his upbringing under Professor Bruttenholm, who raised him as a normal boy.
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I saw Hellboy this week. All the reviews everything said it was super bad, super bad. But you know sometimes when you go into a movie having the lowest of expectations, you have a good time and you have fun. So was that the case? Or wasn't as bad as everyone says it was.
I'll let you know
where the line in the sand. We fight against the forces of darkness.
We're expecting a sign that says secret headquarters.
I made some Id love.
Are you serious? No. Yeah, it's been
10 years since the last Hellboy came out that was Hellboy to the golden army. with Ron Perlman the one and only really Hellboy, a lot of people complained when they remade a new one without them. You just can't do Hellboy without Ron Perlman. They said, I don't know who they are, you know, the people, the internets.
But for this newest one they got in David harbor. The do the sheriff from Stranger Things. Everyone likes David harbor. He's like a big deal. He's like he's like a cool thing. Now. Think a lot of ladies like him too.
He has those David harbor looks which, if that's what you're going for, sorry, because, you know, he's made up and prosthetics and red paint and giant fist and so
horns if you don't know how boy he is a. He's like the son of, I think a human woman and the devil or something like that. He's like part devil is again, horn is red.
In fact, he comes out of hell like hell opens up and he comes out. There's a little, there's a little baby Hellboy, which admittedly, it was kind of cute. But anyway, it wasn't Ron Perlman, so a lot of people complained. But I was excited. I like David harbor. You know, it's cool. And to top it off, Milla Jovovich was in it, Ian McShane was in it. Daniel Dae Kim from last and Hawaii Five o hadn't seen him in a while. It's cool to see him and speaking I haven't seen in a while. Thomas Haden church low from wings. He's done some other stuff but he will forever be low from wings. He when he was in it, so it had to be decent, right had to be okay, right? Wrong. Wrong.
It wasn't good. I'll put it to you like that. It wasn't good.
I don't want to say it was bad. I mean, it was bad. All right. I'm not going to be asking. It's not a good movie.
But there were things I kinda like and and positive things I want to talk about. But about halfway through, I fell asleep. I literally dozed off.
And I had like for lunch, I had a Pepsi. And then after lunch, I had a cup of coffee. And then I went into the movie, and somehow I still managed to fall asleep.
Actually, I woke up when someone shot a gun and it scared the crap out of me.
And it ruined my sleep.
So yeah, just wasn't that good. The problem at all It opens up i'm not i'm not going to spoil the movie. But the very first scene it opens up Hello boys in Tijuana, Mexico.
ago and there's a Lucia door wrestler, which is like the Mexican wrestlers with a mass. And he is wrestling that's Lucia door. who happens to be a vampire dude, who kind of changes into this bat like vampire and they're wrestling in the ring. That's pretty dope, right? Like our I was in I was like, Okay, I can do this. I can do weird creatures and demons and wrestling and you know Hellboy is pretty funny. He's a little bit different. He's different from the other movies he's more of a,
like teenage angsty Hellboy, which I know sounds annoying, but it's kind of funny.
It plays on him and his his quote unquote dad character, just like a human step that they they go on that dynamic like the dad and the bratty kid and I thought it was funny that that part was cool. Again, I might have mentioned wrestling vampires in the ring. Pretty cool. And all the creatures were cool. There was a blood queen. There was some other
Weird which and some giants and some other stuff like a tiger dude. And you know, those are all great and you don't get a lot of new worlds with creatures and stuff and a lot of movies and I like that I'm always down for random creatures.
Know ASAP and I'll just say that now if that's why he wanted to see it
he's not in the movie that kind of stinks but there's other cool creatures. So for that part I was in, right there's a bunch of scenes that have these creatures cool but to me none of the scenes made sense like I literally had no idea and I still as I'm reviewing this movie now to you guys, I still don't have any idea what was really going on or why things were there and why they were the way they were. Apparently some dudes
that's a spoiler, whatever but apparently someone's out to get help.
I don't know why I still don't know why.
But the movie was a fun fact as supposed to be called Hellboy the blood Queen, which would have maybe helped make a little more sense.
So the blood queens are very specific character. And it's based on the Wild Hunt and the storm and the theory that comic book stories and the blood Queen comes back and she's trying to recruit Hellboy to help her with the apocalypse. So there's elements of that. But then there's other random stuff. And it's just it's confusing. I was literally confused watching what should have been a pretty simple easy Saturday afternoon matinee.
So don't watch it. I haven't met anyone that liked it. You know, sometimes there's movies people say they're bad people don't like them, but someone enjoyed it and I like to give their perspective. Heck
would do that liked
whatever that one movie was called the Stephen King movie Dark Tower, which I thought was garbage. He was like, Oh man, I kind of liked it. So there's something for everyone but so far I have not heard anybody that has enjoyed Hellboy
is it as bad as the review said I have to say yes. And I have to recommend avoiding it.
Fun fact it premiered on David harbors birthday, which sounds like a pretty crappy birthday. Oh, he still got his check. David harbors doing all right. He got that Hellboy money. He got that Stranger Things three money coming in. I'm sure he had an okay birthday but other than that,
it was not good. Just don't don't go see it and maybe
rent it. I think I told someone I would have rented it for a couple bucks and watched it at home when I also could have played on my phone and maybe watch something else on a tablet. Like that. That's that's where it says
So yeah, that's it guys don't do it. Hellboy? More like
boy. No, that's it. That's the you know what? That's the caliber of job that is movie deserved. So I'm going to leave it with that.
Save yourself a couple bucks skip Hellboy. Go see Suzanne. I think that's still in the theaters. That's a good one. Definitely skip over Hellboy. guys, that is it. Thank you so much for listening. If you want to support the show, you can check us out. patreon. com backslash g k vs. me like throws $1 something that'd be great. Till next week. Also coming up this week conversation with a friend of mine who went to rustle mania to keep an ear out for that. Thank you guys so much for listening. As always, be kind. Rewind
Transcribed by https://otter.ai